Unsaid

Growing up I always heard about people who dreamed and never even got close to what they wanted, at young age it seemed scary that they were getting laughed at behind their backs and judged for wanting, to dream a better life…

Daring to dream is now bravery, well I can say it has always been, and not everyone can tell people what they want to be in the future or what they want from life, the most asked question as a teenager. I feel guilty for doing it both, for the people I was looking at as unthoughtful and for dreaming unthoughtful.

To be worried, why does what I want doesn’t meet the standard of everybody but if it did it wouldn’t be mine.

I wish I wouldn’t say that, I could forget about it just like all the things I had forgotten but growing up I realized how hard it is to just want something with your whole heart without being afraid of what people could say behind your back, maybe I’m talking about it too much or I’m telling not enough but it was my dream to write and yet I don’t dare to say with confidence because what if they judge me? and Can I ever be a writer? If not, I must not tell people that.

I dreamed of using the most powerful sword and most bitter wounds: words. Of life in the world that lives in my heart and soon in the paper, also when people choose to read what I want to say by themselves without feeling obligated to be nice. I dreamed of my name as an author of a book but saying it to someone makes me feel like I’m speaking nonsense because in the world I live in you never say what you want unless you achieve it. 

I don’t want it to be just meaningless words wrapped in a sentence but something in me still says, What if they judge you?